mid week mania

Humpday is suppose to be a great day... I mean, they even have a commercial about it where a camel debuts declaring it's "humpday." But this week, I wish it were Friday.  Well, I actually wish it were Saturday evening seeing as I have too many commitments on Saturday morning, as does my husband, and I won't get any reprieve until then.  

My week started out on a good (ha!) foot: Monday morning in the middle of a deep sleep I was assaulted with my husband handing me my son saying "here, take him, I need to shower right now!!!" (actually he needed to do something else but I'll save him at least a shred of dignity).  So in a total delirious state I took Elijah and began to feed him.  This didn't go over too well because he was so congested he couldn't breathe. I tended to that issue, fed him, and as I was beginning to wake up enough to realize I had my sweet son in my arms, I looked down at his precious face just in time for him to projectile vomit all over my face. and chest. and sheets. and hair.  This all happened before 7:00AM.  Now, to all you haters that think "uh... I don't want to hear about your kid's snot and puke" then quit reading, this blog won't be for you going forward.  And I could be worse.  I could be a mom that posts every picture of my son's accomplishments or tells you he "tried peas today and didn't like them," but I won't do that.  Or I won't do that each post anyway.  ;) 

Now, it is Wednesday and my precious, teething son (and he really is quite agreeable despite the teething) and I have been stuck in the house all.week. because of the rain.  I know rain is necessary and I know it helps my pathetic excuse of a garden grow, but COME ON.  This momma needs to get out of the house with her precious baby and she needs to experience the sun on her face and the need to wear short sleeves.  (Arkansas, I do not appreciate 50 degree weather in the middle of May.  Can I get an Amen?  Thank you.)  Despite the midweek mania, but sweet in laws did come by today and offer to watch Elijah while I went to "town" to buy some new tennis shoes for the first time in four years.  Can you tell I am an avid athlete?  I also had time to eat lunch by myself.  (I use to feel sorry for that girl eating alone in a restaurant, now, I totally understand her).  Sadly the whole tennis shoe ordeal lasted 5 minutes.  I walked in the store, saw the pair I wanted, tried them on and left.  I didn't even buy the socks they had "on sale" for $15/pair.  No thank you- I will stick to Hanes and call it a day.  

I guess this week I just feel a little out of sorts because my house is in disarray (well my neglected bedroom and bathroom).  (I HATE cleaning my bathroom.)  (I HATE sharing a bathroom with a boy- their hygiene is sub par compared to a woman's hygiene and I have a clean husband.)  (Last week I found his disposable contacts on the bathroom floor because he couldn't "see" to throw them in the toilet.)  (Why doesn't he throw them in the trash can?)  and I keep trying to fill the void of my heart with other things like Real Housewives of New York or my new InStyle magazine that just arrived.  I guess I am writing this post simply to confess that this mommy needs some "me" time and it has to start with Jesus in the morning or at some point in the day.  And now, it is Wednesday and I have YET to spend some real time with Him.  So, my mid week mania will end now (hopefully).  I am going to spend some time with my first Love and hopefully feel restored.  And if I don't feel restored, I will still be grateful because regardless of my "feelings" He never changes.  And, I love that blogging allows me to start so many sentences with "and." :) 

A real friday night

Y'all:  I use to dream about Friday night.  Partly because I could lay around and do nothing after a week of chasing sweet, yet crazy Kindergarten students and partly, because I could socialize with my peers.  This Friday what am I doing?  I am on Pinterest.  My son is currently crying in his crib refusing to go to sleep because it's still light outside (do you like how I assume I know what he is thinking?) and my sweet husband is at a conference with our pastors regarding how to love others better.  I am proud of him... And I am mad that I am home alone on a Friday night.  I can be both, right?  I am giving myself 10 more minutes for my son to stop crying and then I will go in and comfort him.  I am not all about the "crying it out" method- or as the mom community would call it: "CIO." Side note: has anyone else noticed the ridiculous amount of abbreviations mothers/pregnant women use?  I had to google the  abbreviations when I was pregnant.  DD=due date.  TTC= trying to conceive.  And then I became a mom and people started saying things like "E.A.S.Y" (Eat/activity/sleep/YOU time) and CIO=cry.it.out. SPEAK ENGLISH PEOPLE!  I would now say "I digress," but that saying is annoying to me... so I will stick to my favorite "anyway."
Anyway.  I am grateful to have a sweet, little boy in his crib right now.  (By the way, it's been 3 minutes and he has stopped crying.  Haters- don't worry, not 3 minutes total- 3 minutes since I said I would go and pick him up and comfort him.  Daylight savings time-- you are both my friend and enemy).   As grateful as I am for this baby boy, I didn't think my Friday nights would entail me being on Pinterest, scarfing down a handful of kale and some chips, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I really wouldn't.  It's not glamorous.  It's not necessarily "fun," but it is rewarding and it is the best thing I have ever done- being a mommy.  I am grateful I have a little boy that needs me to stay inside/at home with him.  But sometimes I have a pity party, party of one.  I just feel like as "rewarding" as this is, it isn't glamorous and it isn't easy.  It's amazing and it's hard.  It's fun and it's exhausting.  It makes me come alive in a way I didn't know was possible and it makes me wonder who I really am.  It is the best, hardest, most rewarding, intense and humbling job I have ever had and if that means I spend every, single Friday night on Pinterest while the rest of the world goes out and takes selfies and puts them on Instagram, then it is okay.  It is okay because God didn't call me to live for myself.  He called me to love and boy oh boy, have I learned (and am learning) what it is means to sacrificially love.  Thank you, Jesus for this opportunity.  And thank you for Pinterest.

Blog intentions

When I first created this blog, I didn't intend for it to be a place where I documented every, little thing my family did.  I also didn't intend for it be a place where I solely wrote about the loss my husband and I experienced last summer.  Then again when I created it, we had not yet experienced that loss.  Writing about it was cathartic for me and it was real life.  It was where I was; I 'm glad I did.
While going through the loss, it was a writing journey- it let people know what I was dealing with and where I was... nowadays, my thoughts are so random and all over the place- Welcome to motherhood!!! With that being noted... while this was once a journey through grief, now it will be the continued journey through my life as a mommy and the random thoughts that accompany me as I am now staying home.  I have lots of time to think and no time to think all at once.  The newest chapter of my life and my husband's life have started and I will document (with son in tow- or please, God, sleeping!) parts of that journey here.  I will still try to stick to my blogger convictions by not wasting your time reading about my cups of coffee in the morning (though I will probably gripe here and there about how they get cold before I can finish them), or every, single thing we all did in a weekend.  But I will do updates.  And I will write about some of those things... So, will full permission from me and to me, I intend to write more (we'll see) and to write random things I find worth sharing.  Maybe some of you can relate along the way...