The story of how this baby came into being is filled with little miracles and mercies.
It all started on October 2nd. I woke up feeling sick and before I could debate if I should call into work, I looked down and my phone was dialing the number to tell them I wouldn't be in. I knew the Lord wanted me to stay home with Him that day. I was so spiritually sick that it was having physical effects. (Headaches, chills, etc.) I knew I needed a break through. I will spare the long details of what all transpired, but I had a legit deliverance that day. I sat on my back porch for hours writing in my journal, praying, and listening to a voice (through mp3) of someone reading Scripture over me. For the first time since we lost the twins, I felt like real, deep healing was coming swiftly. And while not everything is promised to us in the Bible, sometimes the Spirit speaks to us in real, tangible ways... And that day He spoke healing into my heart. The details were not clear, but my spirit knew it would be soon. I need only trust and obey. For the first time since July 27th, I had hope. Real hope. Hope that only comes from above. Hope not only in the promise of a child, but hope in the promise of my Redeemer. I believed.
The month of October still followed a roller coaster of emotions. At times, more intense than previous months (in light of depression) because I had a promise to stand on, and the enemy would do anything to abate my hope in God. But the entire month, I tried very hard to use the Sword of Spirit to fight him.
With this pregnancy, God is redeeming the month of July for me. I think it was my very first entry about our loss on this blog where I wrote, "I hate July." And I did. I told Daniel as late as the week before I found out I was pregnant with this child that I wanted to move away during the month of July. I couldn't be here in the heat with the reminder. And God so graciously is letting this baby's due date be July 23rd. Redemption.
We are suppose to take Clomid to get pregnant. I have been told I "don't ovulate well without help." Daniel and I weren't even officially "trying" and this baby is on the way without Clomid! (There is nothing wrong with taking Clomid- it's just a blessing we didn't need it). When you take Clomid there is so much pressure. You have to do everything at the right time and you only have a couple month window with use of the medicine. Again, praise the Lord we were spared this!
67 days: My dear friend Elisabeth starting writing me letters about one month after I lost the babies. She wrote me 67 letters- usually they were notecards with verses on them. (The number 67 is significant) I didn't know this, but she prayed throughout the duration of sending me letters that upon receiving the last letter, if it pleased God, I would be pregnant again. She also prayed every day God would redeem the month of July for me. Somehow in someway. He answered both of her prayers.
God is amazing. He is in the details. And the blessings in our story are so evident. I know God will do what He wants and He will accomplish it in a way that is best for His Glory. But, I am so grateful He graciously allowed tangible answers to prayers and blessings for my husband and I in this. There are too many to recount and I know there are more on the way. I thank my God for Emma Kate and Sadler's life. I thank my God for their stamp on my heart. And I thank my God for entrusting me with their lives and the life of this precious child. He is good and His love DOES endure forever. I know the road ahead will still bring it's trials, but I believe He will never leave me or forsake me. Amen.
